Finding love in a hopeless place
by rent01
Summary: JJ/Emily pairing. This story does not touch up on the cases as much as it does what happens behind the scenes of closed hotel doors and the time between cases for them to find their own love for each other.
1. All in good time

The first SUV got back to the hotel a few minutes before the second, letting Emily have the hotel room to herself, a few extra moments before JJ waltzed in. She prayed to whoever above she wouldn't embarrass herself, not again at least. JJ was upset with her, but for a reason she couldn't name. The team had spent a night in a bar in the middle of Oklahoma, hoping to lure the unsub to Emily during the Girl's Night, seeing that Emily was his type, down to the relative height and athletic ability. While she only had to "pretend" to be gay for the night, little to the team's knowledge, Emily fit that description too.

"Hey Pen?" Emily paced the room, wondering why Garcia's phone went straight to voicemail, for the first time in the years they have known each other.

"I have no idea why you aren't answering the phone, but I need your help. I think Jayje is mad at me and I have no idea why. We were at the bar, and I was chatting with all the girls that fit our unsubs type, but once we got back to the station, she kept giving me a kind of cold shoulder. Maybe I'm seeing things, or maybe I did something, but I'm exhausted and just want to catch this guy. You know her better than anyone, please just help me out and tell me what I did? Thanks I guess, Em." Emily reluctantly hung up the phone, and threw the device onto the bed as the hotel room door opened.

JJ took her time getting back into the hotel from the parking lot. Morgan noticed her walking slower than the group, and offered assistance, but she pushed him aside, claiming to have forgotten something in the van and for him to move on. Once out of sight, JJ whipped out her cell to call the Queen of all knowing. While JJ was two seconds from breaking down crying, Garcia answered right on time on the first ring.

"P-p-Pen?" JJ hiccupped into the device, a lone tear making a trail down her cheek.

"Whats wrong sugar? Am I going to have to ruin some poor shmuck's credit score tonight? Cause you know I will, in two keyboard clicks" Penelope rushed out.

"Its just—its Em." JJ barely managed to get out. It was a whisper, but the few moments of silence following and the light "oh" Penelope gave in response told her she understood.

Garcia felt her other line ring while she was trying to figure out how to comfort JJ, sure enough it was the devil herself, Emily Prentiss. Penelope loved both of her girls more than anything, but she also knew they needed to discover their mutual attraction for themselves. JJ was thrown out of her house when she was young for being gay, once her sister hit a rough patch, they let her move back in, hoping to rebalance the family again. There wasn't any hope left once the eldest Jareau sibling committed suicide, but Jennifer's parents refused to lose their only other child too. No one considered depression or anxiety or any other issues, for how could their perfect family be so imperfect? Once JJ graduated high school, she had no idea what she wanted to do, but she needed to move far away from that toxic environment. College let her experiment a bit, but she knew what she enjoyed, who she liked, and how she wished to live her life: surrounded by those that could accept her and love her for who she was. Penelope could recite JJ's past forwards and backwards in her sleep, they were best friends and knew everything about each other. Emily however, was a mystery to Garcia. All she knew was that Emily came from a very spoiled, yet lonely childhood and she once let it slip that she had an abortion at 15 and why the exorcism case mattered to her so much. Penelope dug a little bit deeper when Emily first joined the team, making sure nothing would harm her crime fighting heroes, and ended up discovering the brunette's not so secret past longtime girlfriend of 5 years. Once Garcia confronted her about it, Emily made her swear to secrecy about not sharing her sexuality. Previous jobs were already complicated enough with her mother's name attached to everything she did, her sexuality only gave competitors ways of moving past her in the field.

Garcia hung up the second line, rejecting Emily's call and took a deep breath before responding to JJ, "What happened, sugar plum?"

"I—she—we were undercover, as you know, and it's just that, she was talking to all these women, hoping to draw out our unsub and I just got really jealous. But I have no right, now do I? She's definitely straight, and I have learned my lesson in chasing straight women, but there is just something about her. She is just…different. I was sitting at a table nearby and I got really worried that something or someone could hurt her—and it freaked me out. The other freaking thing is I think I like her—more than I should and that's terrifying because I can't."

"Well why can't you?"

"I can't have a crush on her for its against regulation! I can't get a crush on her because she's not gay. I can't have a crush on her because I need to remain focused in the field and if tonight gives any indication for the future, this just can't work. Why am I acting this stupid? I'm sorry for bothering you Garcia," JJ seemed to let out in one breath.

"You are never a bother, I will always be here for you, it's what best friends do. And if I find you ever trying to hide something from me, you will regret it almost as much as your credit will. For what it's worth, I wouldn't push your feelings aside so quickly, give her a chance and see if You have a chance before you discredit yourself. Honey, you are one attractive, smart, and pretty kickass woman, Emily would be lucky to have you" Garcia attempted to comfort.

"Thanks Pen, I feel much better."

"No problem honey, and by the way, you are welcome for the single room," Garcia replied cheekily.

"Wait, there wasn't a mix-up with the reservations?" JJ questioned, while slightly smiling.

"No honey, that was a free gift from me to you, I accept gift cards and jewelry in thanks, now signing off!" Pen quickly clicked the receiver before JJ could come up with a witty response.

JJ had made it to the hotel room by now, and slid the card into the key slot, letting herself in. The visible tension was written across both women's features once she shut the door. Emily was the first to turn away from the awkward eye contact and sat on her bed in order to take off her shoes, while JJ shook her head and left the room to take a shower.

"Typical Emily, knowing I'm upset, yet refuses to acknowledge me," JJ huffed to herself.

Emily waited until she heard the water going and the squeak of the shower curtain being pushed aside to let out the breath she did not realize she had been holding. Emily was a mystery to all who came across her, but learning from past mistakes, she knew the more people knew about her, the more she had to lose. Forming bonds with people had only proved to cause problems and she did not need added risk to her life, more than she already put herself in. Between her mother, past friends, even her former girlfriend, everyone left her eventually. Emily learned how to construct walls of steel to keep intruders out, while people like JJ occasionally found ways over her walls, Emily found even more ways to build them higher and out of reach.

As JJ was still getting ready for bed in the bathroom, Emily took advantage of the empty space, and began to change into her loose tank and FBI sweatpants. JJ reentered the room, unbeknownst to Emily's changing and could not help but stare for a moment at the brunette's rippling abs and swell breasts. Emily did not catch the blondes searching eyes, as her vision was blocked by the shirt caught around her ears, but she could feel another presence in the room.

"Can I get some help here?" Emily joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Umm, sure thing." JJ reluctantly removed her eyes from the tan body and focused rather on how foolish Emily looked, slightly hopping from foot to foot as if that were going to help the situation. JJ guided the shirt back down her body and lightly scolded the brunette for not undoing more buttons.

"Well, thanks I guess." Emily shrugged, now lying under the covers of her own bed.

"No problem," JJ shyly answered, turning off the bedside lamps.

"Hey Jayje?" Emily whispered into the now darkness.

"Yes?"

"I am sorry for whatever I did earlier. I'm not quite sure what it was, but I could tell you were upset and I hope you know I would never do something to intentionally hurt you." Emily truthfully pleaded, hoping JJ took it to heart.

"I know. Goodnight Em." Emily knew there was still something bothering the other woman, but the fact that she used her nickname meant all was forgiven. The room remained silent the rest of the night, but neither agent actually slept, they each stared into the darkness, lost in their own thoughts and dreams.


	2. Undercover: Day 2

"I've been watching you for a while." A voice announced behind Emily. She was sitting at a table on the other side of the bar, away from the exit. Emily knew her team was nearby, ready to help if need be, but she couldn't help the small shiver that went down her spine as the low voice whispered in her ear.

"Such a pretty woman, yet you are here all alone?" The woman asked, now standing in front of Emily's table.

"Yep. My girlfriend and I just broke up, so that leaves me here, drinking away my sorrows." Emily answered, using key words to draw in their unsub, yet her statement was not far from the truth. Something struck her as odd though, their unsub was supposed to be male, yet this woman rubbed her the wrong way. The team hadn't ruled out a partner, but what was the stressor toward lesbian couples, if one of the unsubs was a woman?

"That's too bad sugarcakes. I would not leave you." She stressed the "I", definitely showing her interest. "I'm Natalie, Nat for short," reaching out her hand toward Emily.

"I'm Emily, Emily Jareau." Emily briefly shook the woman's hand, but kept eye contact longer than necessary. JJ was at a nearby table, ready to either collapse, cry, or punch a wall. Probably all three, if she was being truthful. "She is just playing her part," was JJ's new mantra to get her through the night.

It was the only the second night undercover, yet here was a small glimmer of hope the case would be over soon. As Rossi was watching Emily through the security cameras, he was trying to piece together how a woman would fit into the profile, seeing that this "Natalie" was odd to him as well. Reid was the first to pipe up in the surveillance van sharing statistics on families that throw out young kids for their sexuality; maybe their girl was taking out her anger on those who could be happy being lesbian, while she was forced to repress who she was.

JJ was listening to both Emily's and Reid's conversations through her ear piece and suddenly felt a wave of emotions crash into her. "Remain professional Jayje" she repeated after gathering her thoughts. She knew from personal experience what Natalie was going through if Reid's hypothesis was correct, but seeing as it was him, it was probably going to be right. JJ checked out Natalie more thoroughly this time, taking in her entire appearance.

Natalie was around two inches taller than Emily, but that could also be from her black thigh-high "f- me boots". Her dark blue skinny jeans fit so snug around her ass they appeared to almost be leggings. The part of her stomach that showed was tan, and while she did not have the amazing abs that Emily did, she was still in obvious good shape. Her white lace crop top complemented her tan, muscular arms and blonde locks. Light green eyeshadow balanced out her deep brown eyes, but JJ could guess her Jewish heritage from the Star of David hanging around her slender neck. In short, Natalie was gorgeous.

Emily chanced a glance toward JJ, nervous on her reaction by using Jareau as her last name. JJ seemed to be ok, but Em knew something was off again, reaching further than just how off Nat was. "So, what brings you here?" Emily asked, carrying on the conversation.

"Well, I was looking for a hot dance partner, and fate brought me to you. You look like you could use some cheering up. And I can help in more ways than one" Natalie added slyly with a wink. "Care to join me on the floor?"

Emily reluctantly smiled, but firmly grasped Nat's hand, allowing her to lead the way. The music in the club was blaring, but the women quickly got used to it. Staying in character, Emily turned around and started grinding on Nat's front, wrapping her hands in the taller woman's hair. If she was being truthful, she was having a good time, minus the fact that she was dancing with a potential serial killer. They danced for another 4 songs until a drink break was needed. Both women walked arm in arm to the bar and finally waved over the bartender. Still being on duty, Emily had to remain alcohol free, so she ordered a soda, claiming to feel a bit tipsy. After receiving their drinks, Emily got slightly distracted by a bar fight not too far away from where she and Nat were sitting. Still deaf from the blasting music, it was hard to hear out of her ear piece, so when Emily took a large gulp of her diet coke, she never heard JJ yell Nat had drugged it.

Feeling refreshed from the quick break, Natalie suggested they head back to the dance floor, but Emily was being hit by waves of nausea.

"Are you ok?" Emily heard Nat's voice, but it sounded far away, and her facial features were starting to blur.

"Not really, can you help me to the bathroom? Something feels off." Emily started leaning her body weight onto Natalie, but by the time they hit the back hallway, Natalie was practically dragging her body.

Emily was fading in and out of consciousness. The last thing she could piece together was that she had definitely been drugged, and it was working VERY quickly.


	3. Only Emily

Phones. The ringing behind her would not stop, nor would the building migraine pulsing in her head. Eyes still shut, JJ turned slightly, recollecting herself and sitting up straight in the chair. The blonde agent rubbed her eyes and neck, hoping to relieve some of the tension caused by sleeping the wrong way. She glanced around the space, she was back in the precinct. She was slowly trying to recall what events brought her from the bar to the station house.

Emily.

JJ was suddenly very awake, eyes darting around the square room. Reid was tapping a blue expo marker to his lips, while staring at a map on a cork board along the far wall. Hotch and Rossi were in a quiet, calm discussion in the other corner. JJ's eyes then darted to the wall on her right, the clear glass allowing her to see Morgan pacing the hall; JJ guessed he was on call with Garcia. She could see him lean back slightly, his smiling mouth slightly open.

"How could he be laughing right now?" Anger replaced frustration as she wondered why no one was as upset as she that Emily was missing. The lack of desperation to find their crime fighter was concerning to JJ, and frankly quite appalling that no one seemed to care.

The table she had been lying on was littered with coffee cups from past late nights the team stayed up through. On her left, there was a room temperature coffee cup with her name on an attached sticky note, the loose cursive telling her Reid was kind enough to have it ready for her. In a moment of passion and sheer disbelief, JJ abruptly stood up and flung the cup, liquid and all, across the room, shattering it against the wall into the space between Reid, Hotch, and Rossi.

No one said a word, everyone just stared at JJ, as she looked around. Morgan hung up the phone and ran into the room, "Jayje, what the hell?" Her eyes continued to move around the room, still in wonderment that no one was doing anything. They knew Emily was missing, yet no one was doing anything about it.

"Hey, what's going on in here?" Emily asked, questioning the silence as she entered the still room from the hall. JJ could not turn around fast enough, yet she felt frozen in place. Relief replaced anger as JJ took in the brunette vision 5 feet from her.

"Em!" JJ exclaimed, running toward Emily and enveloping her in a bone crushing hug. Hotch finally recovered from JJ's outburst and realized how sleep deprived everyone must have been. Two days with a couple of hours of sleep was not helping them find their unsub any faster. "Everyone, lets head back to the hotel, we are not going to get any further tonight. I expect everyone back here by tomorrow at 9. JJ, hallway. Now."

The blonde watched as everyone passed her, heading to their cars. She leaned further into Emily, not ready for her to leave again. Hotch's booming voice to move out into the hall was the only thing able to tear her off of her favorite person. Emily stroked her arm and gave a reassuring wink, still unsure of what was going on. Emily was in an interrogation room with a potential unsub, but it was weird coming back to a silent room, all eyes searching JJ. The brunette stepped out of the room ahead of JJ and went to start the car, waiting on her blondie to finish up.

"JJ what just happened?" Hotch stated slightly angry, but JJ knew he was just concerned behind his harsh persona.

"I…I—" JJ looked anywhere but into Hotch's eyes. The woman who battled press like it was the easiest thing in the world, talked down serial killers, and could kill without second thought could not figure out how to answer that simple question. She threw a cup because she was angry. They were supposed to be experts on human behavior, yet Aaron could not put that together? JJ felt herself getting riled again because she did not want to relive through Emily being drugged and dragged off again. Where was the team? Why couldn't they have protected her?

"You let Emily get taken!" She finally summarized to the team leader.

"What are you talking about JJ?" Hotch's brow furrowed.

"The club! We finally catch a break and you let her drag Em off! I don't remember how we got her back, but how could you let her get dragged off? I couldn't get to her fast enough, but you were right outside. You were outside Hotch!" JJ felt her eyes start to burn, and as much as she tried to hold back her tears, one slipped down her cheek. Hotch started to piece together what JJ's delusion was about, Emily was back in the club a second time.

"JJ, we caught a suspect last night at the club. Emily never went back. She is ok. You are both safe. Take a deep breath, go back to the hotel and get some sleep. It was all a dream, but I don't want to see you here until 10 am tomorrow. Got it? You need some more rest" Hotch gave one of his rare smiles and patted her arm reassuringly. JJ rubbed her eyes again, she knew she was tired, but that "dream" felt so real. She could feel the nervous sweat dripping down her back when Emily accepted the invitation to dance. She remembered the vivid pain of digging her nails into her hands when Emily said her last name. The feeling of sheer panic when Nat put some powder in the drink and when Emily couldn't hear the ear piece to stop was more real than any dream. Hotch continued to stare at JJ while she put together the pieces of the night.

"For what it's worth, I wouldn't push your feelings aside so quickly, give her a chance and see if You have a chance before you discredit yourself" Garcia's voice replayed again in her head. JJ's eyes lit up in realization, she may actually have a chance with the brunette, and that vivid dream was just her mind reminding her of that fact. Remembering all the details from the dream as though one of reality was still slightly nerve wrecking, for it seemed so real but at least some things were more clear now. Plus, one more hour to clear her head was its own blessing. JJ nodded her head in Hotch's direction to display her understanding and quickly turned to walk out the front door, into Emily's awaiting car.

Silence filled the vehicle and carried them to the hotel lobby. Once the elevator doors shut, Emily pulled the emergency stop and blocked JJ from undoing it.

"What happened Jayje?" Emily asked, wrapping her arms around the small blonde's frame, once she saw her tearing up.

"I thought you were gone" JJ released with a cry, letting her emotions overcome her. JJ started shaking while she sobbed in the taller womans arms, relieved she was ok. "I dreamt you were undercover and you got drugged and the unsub took you. I am so sorry I couldn't get to you fast enough" JJ managed to choke out.

"Shh-shh-it was just a dream," Emily started stroking her hair, sliding them down to the floor, "I am here. We are both ok. No one took me, cause you know if they did—" Emily waited until JJ lifted her head so they made eye contact. "-I would have had to kill them. God forbid you got ahold of them, oh I would want to put them out of their suffering." JJ chuckled at that and nodded in agreement. Emily began to stand back up, pulling JJ up by her arms.

"Are you ok now?" Emily asked in complete seriousness.

"I am now." JJ nodded, releasing the emergency button. Emily smiled at the shorter woman and entwined their fingers as they walked back to the hotel room.

After the lights were turned out for some time, JJ still couldn't fall asleep. After listening to Emily's breathing, she knew they were both up. "Em?"

"Yes?"

"You know what is still bothering me?"

"Hmm?"

"How vivid everything in that dream was. Are you sure it wasn't real? I mean I can still remember the smells of the club and I know Natalie from somewhere." Emily sat up, hearing that name, but JJ didn't need to know about her past.

"What did she look like?"

JJ described the woman in such vivid detail, Emily could not believe JJ knew her Natalie. There was no doubt in her mind that it was not her ex-girlfriend. Why JJ knew her was the main thing confusing the brunette agent, but the further she pressed the more suspicious JJ would get.


End file.
